Emptybottle.org: Five Things I Don't Know About Myself

I agree that Dave's "What are five things I don't know about myself" is more interesting than "Five things you don't know about me". Not that there's anything wrong with that. Hell, any meme in a storm, in these root-withering Latter Days of Blog.

So here:

I don't know if my growing suspicion that reproducing is in some important senses what we are for, and my feeling that my reluctance to do so has been to say 'no' to life (something I swore decades ago I would never do) are enough to overcome my bowel-loosening terror (and unusually for me, I do not exaggerate for effect, here) at the very idea of having children. Or if they should.

I don't know if the childhood demons I thought I'd exorcised long ago have been defeated as completely as I had hoped.

I don't know if I'm a good man, or just a (garden variety enlightened) selfish one with people skills. I'm not sure what it means to be a good man, anymore.

I don't know if I'll ever write the things I've always wanted to.

I am 41 years old, and I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life.

About This Post

What is this? Why am I here? What does it mean? Where should I go now?

Well, this is a post to the personal website Emptybottle.org. It was posted by your genial host stavrosthewonderchicken on December 26, 2006, and is titled Five Things I Don't Know About Myself. It was published to the categories: Me|dia, and Thoughts That, If Not Deep, Are At Least Wide. In any of those places you might well find other similar things that will bring you Super Double Happiness.

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The previous entry on the site is Freedom In Peril (and pass the ammo), and the next one is Disclosure.

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Comments: You got fingers, right?

5 Comments |

1
ed said

You know: It is possible to be both good and selfish at times.

December 29, 2006 8:42 AM
2
stavrosthewonderchicken said

Aye.

December 29, 2006 6:19 PM
3
Aidan Kehoe said

I’m all of twenty-five, and I’ve vague plans on starting a family in the next decade or so. Because I know lots of people I respect who’ve done so, and enjoyed doing so, maybe not immediately, but in the fullness of time. You’re 41, you and SWMBO are in a decent material situation, you'll probably contribute distinctly more enlightened spawn to the world than some Pentecostal in Texas or Nigeria. I don’t see the problem.

December 31, 2006 10:40 AM
4
dv said

As a cantakerous old philosopher in the after-effects of a half-sack of PBR and a bottle of "unpretentious" Rhine wine: 1. Reproduction for the sake of reproduction is the old way. You may choose to evolve or run with the herd. Not that one shouldn't reproduce if one finds satisfaction in it, but to start thinking in terms of a moral imperitive (a should) seems to me to be a threat to one's free will. Purpose is an illusion. Buying into that sort of illusion says "no" to life faster than deciding how to give and get the most from life in the context of your life. Breed if it will make you (and your near and dear) more fulfilled, but please don't breed on the grounds of cosmic mumbo-jumbo! 2. One thing I've learned from the cult of psychotherapy -- moving on isn't so much about conquering as coexisting. 3. I think you do. You always seem to be able to definite it and be it on Saturday night, quite righteously, so why the doubts in the cold light of Sunday morning? 4. There is a Korean proverb: "Beginning is being half done." 5. Drink. Repeat. -------- Drop me a line sometime, you rat-bastard...

January 7, 2007 3:17 AM
5
stavrosthewonderchicken said

Email sent, boss (and others, too, which may have gotten shitcanned by filters or something)...

January 15, 2007 8:01 PM

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