[Note in Big Friendly Letters for the Intelligence Impaired : The piece below was recently reproduced in toto (which is intensely annoying in and of itself) at Indymedia by someone, and characterized as actually being in support of this corporatist misadventure of a war. It’s not, damn it, and that might have been clear if my unknown copy-and-paster had actually bothered to read beyond the first paragraph, or scrolled down a post or two. Disappointing.]

You know, I’m starting to get behind this whole War thing. I feel it in my belly now, I feel the twist down deep in there, down where the root of my cock would be, if it had a root. I feel the warm throb with each heartbeat thrum and flash of ordnance.
It gets me hot.
I’m getting excited about the killing. I wasn’t too thrilled with it at first, you know, cowardly america-hating lefty cheese-eating appeaser blowhard anti-warblogger f–kwit that I am. I was tremulous and girly, but now that the blood is flowing, and the guns are shouting their wordless chants, I’m starting to like it. I want to see more! I want the news to turn bad and then worse. I don’t want your brave boys or mine to come home, wrapped in glory and squinting through a cake of Euphrates dust – I want them to stay and fight and die, for me, yes for me, and for glorious freedom. I want them to stand there arch-backed and unbowed in the sand with the grieving sun behind them – erect – and clutching a flagpole, with old glory streaming out behind. And then I want to see them blown to pieces.
I want a conflagration! Firestorms! God damn it, if it’s war then let it be war! Let’s rub our noses in it, roll in it like a dog in its puke, let’s stare at ourselves red-eyed in the mirror and think about what we really are, and what we love, and who we fear. Let’s take it to the next level! Let’s roll! No pain no gain! Just do it! Semper fidelis! Give me the shrieks of the wounded, the gentle Protestant sobbing of heartbroken heartland mothers, and the keening of those strange burkha’d women gathered around the corpses of their sons, too.
I like this war. I want more of it. I want Iraqi Freedom now, and I want it without pickles or mustard, you minimum-wage retard. I want Iranian Freedom too, with some Freedom Fries on the side, and then I want some goddamned Korean Freedom, served up sizzlin’ hot, with kimchi-fart afterburners switched on as the walls fall down around me. Free the world, George! Free us all! We want to be free! My huddled masses, they yearn for some down-home, Texas-style freedom! Freedom from care, freedom from want, freedom to shop, freedom from thought, freedom from life. Free us from our lives, America, free us all. Fight for peace, because peace is almost as good as freedom!
Void where prohibited by law.

non compos mentis, Uncrappy

Join the conversation! 10 Comments

  1. Somewhere out there, Mark Twain is reading this, nodding, and smiling.

  2. Hoje houve um ataque a universidade mais antiga da região arabe. A universidade era do sec 13 e foi atacada pelo americanos.
    Na região do conflito existem centenas de sítios arqueológicos com bases para as muitas perguntas humanas . . . A região dos rios Eufrates e Tigre (mesopotâmia) foi onde nasceu a escrita e a agricultura, portando é um espaço físico de importancia histórica fundamental para a humanidade e não pode ser, em hipotese alguma, ataca pelo simples fato de uma milícia internacional querer conquistar o petroleo.
    isso é o regresso da humanidade !

  3. Welcome to Hell. Here’s your accordion.
    Shop as usual, and avoid panic buying.

  4. Anybody who could read that and actually believe it was in support of Bush’s Iraqi adventure must be suffering from severe irony deficiancy.

  5. Heh! I would have thought that being identified as “an american” would have upset you more than the pro-war misinterpretation.

    Of course, instances like this do nothing to dissuade the rest of us from our conviction that americans in general have little or no appreciation of irony. Bill Bryson, in Notes from a Big Country has several marvellous tales illustrating just that.

  6. Why do you furriners go on about irony so much? We’ve had permapress clothes for decades now – ironing things is just crazy!

  7. The idiots at Indymedia wouldn’t know subtlety if it was a Ginsu knife set colliding with their eyeballs.

  8. I can’t decide who is the bigger moron – the guy that wrote it, or the person who took it literally. You are one naive kid. That flimsy border separating Canada and the US sure makes all the difference, huh? Yeah, that’s why my family chose the US over Canada when we emigrated… Let the US take all the heat, the Canadians would rather sit on their ass. Go ahead, blame the US for all your problems. Don’t lecture me about the results of US domination, I survived years of Soviet occupation – without US involvement we would have never broke free. Politics is more complex than that. When Clinton was in office the Republicans used every dirty tactic in the book to undermine him. Now the reverse is happening to Bush. Yes, they are both idiots, but don’t blindly follow the press – that is what they want! Do you know, Iranians AND Saudis are assisting in Iraq? Do you know Russia and France will lose oil contracts when this is all said and done? It is more complex than “evil little Bush”. Hating America only makes you seem that much more naive.

  9. ‘One naive kid.’ Heh.
    *shakes his walker at Z, flings soiled depends diapers*
    Thanks for the little political lesson, there, Z, but your exhortations that I ‘don’t blindly follow the press’ are pretty much along the lines of ‘don’t teach your grandmother to suck eggs.’
    I appreciate your avuncular concern, even if the grey in my beard probably shines brighter than your own.

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