I wish there were some way that some sort of reliable device for parsing out and evaluating text could be created, one that was capable of remotely applying painful shocks to the testicles based on the results.
This device – let’s call it the Fiery Parser of Comedy Justice™, for lack of anything else that comes to mind – would deliver the scrotum-singeing amps say 7 out of 8 times that it caught someone posted an ‘amusing’ one-liner to Metafilter, just to help them be certain that they were indeed posting Comedy Gold and it was worth the risk.
(I feel comfortable in choosing the testicles, as I’m pretty certain this is a Boyzone phenomenon.)
Ideally, it would be 6 or 8 metres high, with a huge On/Off lever, be topped with buzzing Tesla coils, and throw off random crackling bolts of electricity through the darkness. A tiny almost circular 50’s-style cathode ray tube would sit at its foot, connected to the main apparatus with monster alligator clips and greasy, wrist-thick cables, casting a small, comforting, #006699 glow on the broken concrete and piles of skulls nearby.
I’m aware that this probably won’t happen. Pity.
I am also fully aware that (pot, kettle) probably 80% of my MetaSchtick for the first year I was there was rubber-chickening and merry pranksterism, but that was before it became an epidemic. The monkey house (and god bless its every byte) was created to siphon away all that stuff, but now there’s a whole new generation in the blue, this growing and seemingly unstoppable crapslide of quipsters who seem bent on being The Wackiest MeFite, and they’re beginning to give me the sh-ts.
OK, I’m done now with my little rant now. Just had to vent. Back to the (much-beloved) ‘filter I go.
Edit :

“It’s funny how the colours of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen. Now, all the time I was watching this, I was beginning to get very aware of like not feeling all that well. And this I put down to all the rich food and vitamins. But I tried to forget this, concentrating on the next film, which jumped right away on a young devotchka who was being given the old in-out, in-out first by one malchick then another, then another. When it came to the sixth or seventh malchick, leering and smecking and then going into it, I began to feel really sick. But I could not shut my glazzies. And even if i tried to move my glazz-balls about I still could not get out of the line of fire of this picture.”

Things like this, over at MeFi, are part of the reason I keep going back there, even after I have a little half-serious spaz-out like I did earlier. It may be a hoax, but if not, I am fascinated in equal measure with being repelled. It’s a strange, wonderful, horrible new world we’re building ourselves.
Another Edit : See, this MetaTalk discussion about the previously mentioned thread is a great thing too.

Thoughts That, If Not Deep, Are At Least Wide

Join the conversation! 6 Comments

  1. The verdict from the MeFi server doesn’t look good, Stav:
    “The server encountered an internal error and was unable to complete your request.”

  2. Ow! The singeing pain! Ow!
    (Kidding, obviously – we Greatest Generation MeFites are clearly immune to all forms of torture, having lasted this long.)

  3. Oh, and here I thought that burning sensation meant that I was in for a trip to the urologist…
    I can see where you’re coming from, but enough of the one-liners are funny enough to where I’d be loathe to ban them altogether. One bad apple shouldn’t spoil the barrel. Plus, funny is subjective–sometimes the most absolutely moronic post will tickle me in just the right way. I’d suggest to mathowie that he simply add a “this x–it vibrates?” filter (or whatever), and leave it at that.

  4. I know, vraxoin. I was just riffing there, and having a little rant, which I always find cathartic.

  5. The hypnotizing effect that metafilter has will always bring me back, perhaps not as a participant, but definitely as a reader. There is simply too much genius there to let it go unread, despite the bad jokes, the bad attitudes and the cold harsh realities of our “strange, wonderful, horrible new world we’re building ourselves.”
    Spaz and rant on, my friend. It’s cathartic for me to read your thoughts…sad but true.

  6. Stav, you need to come to #mefi. You’d like it.

Comments are closed.