Drugs, and lots of them. Whacking great quantities of mind-expanding and mind-croggling chemical treats. Monster Scarface-style piles of snowy uncut columbian cocaine on the desk. A cut-crystal bowl full of pills, in all the colours of the rainbow. Monster doses of dimethyltryptamine and d-lysergic acid diethylamide to make my mind ripple and flap like a flag flying in the breath of god. Musty peyote buttons and foil-wrapped grams of psilocybin mushrooms. Opium to smoke and heroin to snort. Alcoholic beverages in all their gem-like hues. Sweet stinky tobacco and marijuana, dark brown hashish in both chunks and oil. Mescaline and methamphetamines. That’s what I want.


I feel the urge to clear the carbon out of the valves, dust off the mental cobwebs. I feel the urge to self-trepanate, sprinkle lighter fluid on the exposed ridges and folds of my cerebral cortex, and light ‘er up. I feel like slipping the surly bonds of earth and touching the cruel, elusive face of god, that old bastard.
But I won’t, because I’m a responsible member of society. I’ll just write a little weblog post about it instead, and hit the button clearly marked ‘SAVE’.

Random Silliness, Uncrappy

Join the conversation! 15 Comments

  1. Your weblog is your anti-drug!

  2. I’ve seen this ‘anti-drug’ thing before, in various places. Can someone explain to me what it’s all about? Much as it pains me to do so, I must admit my ignorance on this one.

  3. I know just how you feel.

  4. I’m not completely certain, but I think that an antidrug is the elementary drug corresponding to an ordinary drug such as the probuzzton, neutbuzzron, or electbuzzron, but having the opposite buzz effect or “momentary drunkenness experience”. Every elementary drug has a corresponding antidrug; the antidrug of an antidrug is the original drug. In a few cases, such as the dark beer and the neutral pion in some ales, the drug is its own antidrug, but most antidrugs are distinct in that they are ingested in counterpartys (or counterpartays) as opposed to normal parties.
    When one mixes the cocktail of drug and its antidrug they are said to “collide” and both can be annihilated and other drugs such as vomitrons or pee-ions produced. In some cases this represents the total conversion of mass into vomit. For example, the collision between a stale beer electron and its antidrug, an aging prozac pill, results in the conversion of their combined masses into the energy of two vomitrons. The reverse process, pair production, is the simultaneous creation of a drug and its antidrug from the drugs that result from their mutual annihilation.

  5. *nominates fishrush for President For Life of Blogistan†*

    †Until Shrubya decides to bomb the fuck out of it, of course, after which a puppet regime will be installed.

  6. Speaking of fishrush, the man has collapsed under the weight of his own mind again (check out his weblog).
    Is it just me or has gravity ceased to function in our corner of weblogdom?

  7. I like fishrush’s explanation better, but I have discovered over the years that a cup of tea always tastes the same, no matter what state of chemical inconvenience one has reached. So that must be mine.
    Not so for Jaffa Cakes, which are the work of satan and should not be consumed without a prior blood test.

  8. fishrush:
    ..momentary drunkenness experience..
    *seconds Stavros’s nomination*

  9. the man has collapsed under the weight of his own mind again (check out his weblog)
    Yikes! Fishy, what’s up?!

  10. Oh jaffa cakes! They deserve a Keats – or a Walrus haiku at the very least.
    I’ve often driven past the McVities factory (though never by the Mr.Kipling one) and always hoped to catch a whiff. Well, I never did.

  11. Ode to Jaffa cakes:
    chocolate orange goodness,
    unless bitten stoned.

  12. “I beat the internet.
    The end guy is hard.”
    What’s that mean? Or, if that’s not he right question, then where’s it from? Is it nonsense or am I?

  13. Eeksy! or Pracowity! or something!
    In many video games there’s a Big Bad Boss monster at the end of a level, that you must vanquish to continue onwards – the ‘end guy’. Thus, and so on, etc.
    I think I did steal it from somewhere, but I’ll be double dipped in donkey doo if I can remember where…

  14. So is this blog dead? Are you doing any interesting substances? I’ve been wandering around the woods and looking at lots of mushrooms, wondering whether any are, you know, edible.

  15. Sadly, no substances. Not a good idea, in Korea, even if they were available.
    As far as deadblog gies : “it’s not dead, it’s just restin’!” I think.
    Anyway, I’ve just typed out a long story that was in my head tonight, scant minutes ago, and posted it, and now I must to bed be going. Glad to see you around, though, Mr P.

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