End Times, Party Times
And in those Last Days, when the Peak Oil did but trickle and the Lamp of Civilization burned but a'sputtering and low, the Stavrossian Accordians were the last bright flash of the Grand Dreams and the Promise of Humanity before the fall.
On the hills above the now dark Cities, forming arcane symbols in blow on the bellies of supine PleasureBots, they looked out over the ruined land and Remembered. Remembered when a thousand lights had burned the night away over every street, and a young child could dream of reaching zero gravity in orbit, propelled by dreams, dedication, and a lucrative career in a pop band. Remembered when the internet allowed the Voices of people the world over to merge in a Glorious Chorus of....
"Hmm..." quoth the Stavros to his fellow Accordians, "you know, when I actually do Remember, things don't seem that bad after The Fall. Do up another pentagram for me, and bring on the Pancake Dancers! What do we need to Remember for - we have Cameras!"
Whiskey, Cocaine, and Hookers: not just a metaphor anymore?
The Goals of The Stavrossian Accord™:
- to go beyond self-absorbed handwavery in our efforts to counteract the negative global social and socioeconomic impacts of Nanny Culture, to piss in Consumerica's eye, to support local bars, working girls (and boys), and independent medicinal salespeople -- a step, we hope, that inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Rat Pack;
- to reduce smarminess and preciosity in our lives;
- to intoxicate ourselves with all diligence, then perform the happy dance, as often as we are reasonably able.
In response to the anti-consumerist Compact (which was founded by a group of people including professional marketers, amusingly enough), I'm forming a new anti-whateveryougot compact: The Stavrossian Accord™. Accordians encourage you to vow for the next year to spend your money on nothing but cocaine, hookers, and whiskey (note: 'cocaine, whiskey and hookers' may be a metaphor), in an environmentally responsible and renewable way. Hell, marketers can join in too, if they want, but they have to buy all the drugs.
We recommend that the money Accordians spend on the Three Essentials should be recycled, or, in the corrupt terminology of our military-industrial anti-fun oppressors, 'stolen'.
Like the Compacters, we also believe in buying nothing unnecessary, in subverting the apparatus of Consumer culture, and in bringing down the corporations and their pet politicians and the marketing weasels that propagate it. Like them, we prize dramatic gestures over cognitive clarity. In our favour, though, we value fun fun fun over worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow sucks.
Sign up, Get Down
Anyway, rather than making our grand statement by being pinch-mouthed Eeyores about it, we plan to party the Man out of commission. Yeah! Take that, Mr Fatpants!
Accordians hold the following truths to be self-evident:
- That we should limit our spending to the essentials.
- That there are three essentials: whiskey, cocaine, and hookers.
- That money spent on essentials should be recycled money.
- That the little stuff will take care of itself for a year or so.