Via MeFi, of course, this gentleman was turned down in his application for Military Security clearance because of his slighty excessive fondness for our canine pals :

“Applicant admitted the factual allegations of the SOR; accordingly, I incorporate Applicant’s admissions as findings of fact.
Applicant–a 25-year old employee of a defense contractor–seeks access to classified information.
The allegations of the SOR revolve around Applicant’s zoophilia–his sexual attraction to animals and his sexual activity with dogs from approximately 1987 to June 1996. On 13 August 1998, Applicant described his zoophilia to a special agent of the Defense Security Service (DSS)(Item 5):
I would like to take this opportunity to explain that I am a zoophile, sexually attracted to animals. I fantasize about sexual activities with anthropomorphic (cartoon character types) animals, friendly big cat like a lion, any medium to large size dog, horses, cows, etc., but to actually engage the animal must be a dog. The reason I state it must be a dog because a dog is the only animal who has the closest personality to a human being.”

I don’t really know what to say about this. I’d like to say “Homo sum; nihil humani a me alienum puto,” but this just pushes the envelope a little too much for me, ya know?

Random Silliness

Join the conversation! 4 Comments

  1. It’s not for me, thanks, I’m anthrosexual or something — is there a word for something as common as preferring sex with humans? — but think about it: dogs gleefully hump human legs all the time. Dogs hump Pikachu. They do not care with what or with whom they thrust, as long as they thrust. The females are dragging themselves across the carpet in desperation. They’re sitting up and begging for it. The real perversion in this story is that the guy wanted military security clearance.
    OK, OK, I kid. Bark like a dog for me.
    (By the way, I have heard of farmboys having sex with chickens. Now that’s weird.)

  2. I once saw a rather convincing black and white photo of a farmlad (why am I sure he was Italian?), who, while in flagrante delicto with a chicken in a hollow amongst some boulders, out of sight, had somehow dislodged them and been crushed in mid-, uh, squawk.
    Come to think of it, though, the chicken still being, um, attached seems a bit unlikely, unless it died during the act as well… ah well. The fellow certainly looked dead.

  3. Did someone tell him that the Canadian expression “fucking the dog” (meaning “to waste time doing nothing”) was just a figure of speech?

  4. hilarious!

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