Emptybottle.org

[This post contains adult content (in a sophomoric container)]
So I had this brilliant idea that I’d find some cheesy 50’s-style text pr0n, and search and replace the names with, you know, like Saddam and George and Dick and so on (reminds me of the Carlin joke from a decade ago about the first Gulf War : “…with Dick Cheney and Colin Powell in charge of this war, a Dick and a Colin – you know someone’s getting f–ked up the ass!”) and it would instantly become Comedy Gold and secure me my place in the weblogger Hall of Fame for all eternity.
Five minutes later, that seemed like a really dumb-ass idea, as these things usually do. But in the intervening time, I’d gotten all hot and bothered and plugged the nearest INPUT with ‘hot rod +rammed +quivering‘, having cast my mind back for keywords I could lift from the amusingly goofy dime sex-novels I remember finding in my grandfather’s basement when I was about 12. God bless the Googlebot.
That search took me here in short order, where all sorts of textual sucking and grunting and thrusting and other activities of a carnal nature were taking place.
Distractions happen to me almost continually – (I blame a period of recreational Ritalin use a while back, in the days when judgement was, if not entirely fled, at least in short supply) oh look, a shiny thing! – and I found myself wondering what sort of site might lie at the root (no pun intended) of the URL. Kinda bloggeresque domain, after all – myboringlife.com. [Warning – this URL will try and install an ActiveX control (which may or may not be kosher) and may contain nudity. Not that the latter is such a bad thing, really.]
A domain like this, and one kind of expects kitty pics and posts about how annoying that guy down at the laundromat is, although I should really try to be nicer to him, ’cause everyone’s beautiful in their own way, you know, a beautiful and unique individual. Well, no. Except in the loosest possible sense of ‘kitty.’ Get me?
Turns out that it’s the site of a camgirl, or in this case I suppose camwoman, named Karen, who is apparently a widow and lives in Hollywood, and who is given to favouring the world with displays of her mammalian appurtenances. You know, her boobies.
What amused me, in light of recent bibliotic thought and talk about who we are, and how we write those selves into existence, and who those selves are, and all of that, was this :

No prevarication, no qualification, no veils or ambivalence, just one word : me.
I wish Karen no ill, of course, and intend no mockery, despite my smartass tone. When it comes down to it, aren’t we all attention whores to one degree or another, we webfolks? Sometimes I think there’s really not much difference between a camgirlwoman and your average blogger, even bloggers as admittedly excellent and erudite as those here in my virtual neighbourhood, wordy storytelling bloggers like me.
Except that Karen’s breasts are clearly much nicer than mine.
[Update : Penisblog. QED. via Mefi]