August 11, 2002 / / 14 Comments

Inspired by Shelley and Jonathan, who said :

I’d like to suggest an Honor Roll of Warbloggers, which would display next to each name: the warblog URL, the number of years of active military service, and the likelihood of the warblogger’s being called up to fight against Iraq. It is commonly observed by students of military history that civilian enthusiasm for going to war is inversely proportional to the sum of combat experience and eligibility for military service.

I did about 3 minutes worth of research to bring you some lists of those prominent Americans who avoided military service but are now, unsurprisingly, waggling their thanato-erotic weenies around with the most vigor.
Here’s a good list, and here, a more partisan one, but still informative.
A sampler :

GW Bush – decided that a six-year Nat’l Guard commitment really means four years. Still says that he’s “been to war.” Huh?
Dick Cheney – several deferments, the last by marriage (in his own words, “had other priorities than military service”)
Att’y Gen. John Ashcroft – sought deferment to teach business ed at SW Missouri State
Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert – avoided the draft, did not serve.
Majority Leader Dick Armey – avoided the draft, did not serve.
Majority Whip Tom Delay – avoided the draft, did not serve. “So many minority youths had volunteered … that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like himself.”
Senate Minority Leader Trent Lott – avoided the draft, did not serve.
[more…]

I also noticed that one of the warbloggers with whom Bb has been debating (in an admirably reasonable, evenhanded fashion, I must admit), has said that the epithet ‘warblogger’ is no longer fashionable.
In light of this, and my strong suspicion that most if not all of these armchair wannabe warriors would detumesce and piss their pants the first time they saw a human corpse up close and personal, I’d like to submit for your consideration some possible new names for them :

  • “Auto-erotic Death Fetishists”
  • “Phallocratic Linktards”
  • “Frustrated KillBunnies”
  • “Circle-jerking GunHumpers”
  • “Bushtastic KillMonkeys”
  • “Fearbloggers”
    If you have any ideas, please feel free to drop them in the comments. Let’s help out these poor fellas and make sure they have a spiffy new collective name, before it’s too late!
    (and, yes, I’m just being a sh-t-disturber for the free-wheeling hell of it)

    Category:
    Politics Chafe My Scrote

    • Join the conversation! 14 Comments

    1. tom mcalister

      “TerrorcratBloggers”

    2. Shelley Powers

      Not patient stav. Dead tired.
      I think I’m sick. Bummer.

    3. Senn

      ObSimpsonsReference: “beer-swilling invasion monkeys”.

    4. bridgie

      as opposed to the french, who are obviously cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

    5. Ray

      “Fluffintuffs”

    7. stavrosthewonderchicken

      I thought of ‘Warons’ on the subway today, but it kinda sucks, because I have to explain it’s a riff on ‘moron’ and ‘get your war on’.

    8. nick sweeney

      ‘Warons’ is good (I just got my mnftiu.cc book) but why not go with your instincts, and call them ‘fuckwits’?

    10. George P.

      i’mSMARTaboutwarbloggers
      warisgreatentertainmentbloggers
      justasoldieringod’sarmybloggers
      warispeacebloggers

    11. dg

      I like fuckwits myself, but cowardly pricks works too.
      Then again, I used to be a staunch opponent of National Service but, as I am now too old to be eligible, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

    12. eyeballkid

      I’m very fond of paper tigers if for no other reason than it removes all the teeth from the original classification.

    13. pukester

      anti-idiotarians is the current term “warblogger” are using. the only thing anti war people need is an education on what life is like in the real world and not the la la land they live in.

    14. Homer

      I call them Republicans.

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