I usually cringe listening to prank call comedy, which seems to be a dominant form of humour these days, at least if you listen to net.comedy streams much. Easy, nasty funny, I guess, which is what folks seem to like.
Me, I’ve only made maybe two prank calls in my life. The last one was about a decade ago, with my buddy Rick, who died after the Bali bombing last year, and even then we were already way way too old for that sort of thing. When our random target *69’d us and yelled incoherently, we freaked out and left for the bar, like the weenerdogs we were. It was unforgiveably stupid, but it was a marvellous thing at the time. We took a certain pride in not acting our age. I still do.
Rick : I need taxidermy. Do you stuff anything?
DTS : What you mean, anything?
Rick : Do you stuff anything?
DTS : Yes, animals, many animals.
Rick : A donkey? Would you stuff a donkey?
DTS : Donkey? Like horse? Very big, very expensive.
Rick : But you can stuff my ass?
DTS : Donkey?
Rick : CAN YOU STUFF MY ASS? (rising panic) CAN YOU STUFF MY ASS!
DTS : *click*
5 minutes pass.
DTS : I call cops on you, you f–ko! You f–king f–k! Stupid!
This Jack Nicholson soundboard (Warning : may take approximately forever to load up if you’re on dialup) almost makes me want to make some prank calls, though, even after our total failure to achieve comedy escape velocity that last time all those years ago.
Even though it’s Pure Evil.
Myself and two friends once, all in our late teen years at the time, made the mistake of placing multiple crank calls to a police woman’s answering machine. Of course, we had no idea we were dialing a law enforcement official’s personal number.
One of my pals uttered something completely offensive and gave my name and ‘phone number! His notion of a good one, I suppose. She called back, of course, royally and rightfully pissed. Some smooth talking on my Pa’s part prevented serious repercussions and we were lucky to get off with nothing worse than parental reprimands.
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And my mother, when she was young in the 50s, thought it was the height of naughtiness and hilarity to call the water board and say, “I can’t hold my water; what should I do?”
The only one I’ve ever been party to runs as follows: