ALL MODALITIES OF THIS TRANSACTION

May 13, 2002 / / 7 Comments
STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
WE ARE MEMBERS OF A SPECIAL COMMITTEE FOR BUDGET AND PLANNING OF THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF WORKS AND HOUSING(FMWH). THIS COMMITTEE IS PRINCIPALLY CONCERNED WITH CONTRACT AWARDS AND APPROVAL. WITH OUR POSITIONS, WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY SECURED FOR OURSELVES THE SUM OF THIRTY ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS (US$31.5M). THIS AMOUNT WAS CAREFULLY MANIPULATED BY OVER-INVOICING OF AN OLD CONTRACT.
BASED ON INFORMATION GATHERED ABOUT YOU, WE BELIEVE YOU WOULD BE IN A POSITION TO HELP US IN TRANSFERING THIS FUND (US$31.5M) INTO A SAFEACCOUNT. IT HAS BEEN AGREED THAT THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WILL BE COMPENSATED WITH 20% OF THE REMITTED FUNDS, WHILE WE KEEP 70% AS THE INITIATORS AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE TO OFFSET EXPENSES AND PAY THE NECESSARY TAXES.WE INTEND TO USE PART OF OUR OWN SHARE TO IMPORT FROM YOUR COUNTRY AGRICULTURAL AND
CONSTRUCTION MACHINERY.
THIS IS BECAUSE THE PRESENT GOVERNMENT OF MY COUNTRY IS EMPHASISING ON PROVIDING FOOD AND HOUSING FOR ALL ITS CITIZENS BEFORE THE NEXT ELECTION. HENCE, AGRICULTURAL AND CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT ARE IN HIGH DEMAND OVER HERE. WE SHALL ALSO NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THIS REGARD ON A COMMISSION TO BE AGREED UPON WHEN WE FINALLY MEET.
ALL MODALITIES OF THIS TRANSACTION HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY WORKED OUT AND ONCE STARTED WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN SEVEN (7) WORKING DAYS, WITH YOUR FULL SUPPORT. THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE.
IF THIS PROPOSAL SATISFIES YOU, PLEASE REACH US ONLY BY EMAIL FOR
MORE INFORMATION.
PLEASE, TREAT AS URGENT AND VERY IMPORTANT.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
ISIOMA PROSPER.

The above is an amusing spam message I received today, which was send to a shell mail account I used a couple of months ago to leave comments on a Radio-based weblog. A variation on an old theme, of course, but the amusement factor almost makes the annoyance of dealing with crap like this worthwhile.
Anybody know if Radio has fixed its vulnerability to email-harvesters reading comments threads yet?
(The return email address for this piece of crap was isiomaprosper@qrio.com, by the way. Harvest away, spam-robots!)

In the Interests of Fair Play

May 6, 2002 / / 4 Comments

I offer these Canadian facts as accompaniment to the post about America earlier :

Canadians are more likely to than any other nationality to eat roadkill. In fact, Canadians refer to dead raccoons found on the highway as “Toronto Bologna.”
(Source: McMillan’s Culture Guide 1999-2000)
Canadians lead the world in per capita binge drinking. The average Canadian drinks an average of 16 beers on an average day. Seven of them are normally consumed while on the job.
(Source: Wild World Of Booze Facts)
Canada is the world’s largest supplier of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines and back bacon.
(Source: Gene Raphael’s Big Book Of Canucks)
Canadians are more likely than any other nationality to spit in public, especially on the windshields of other people’s cars.
(Source: New York Times – June 15th, 1998)
If you try to order a quarter-pounder in a Canadian McDonald’s, you won’t get a quarter-pound hamburger. You see, Canadians use the metric system for units of measurement. If you ask a Canadian for a “quarter-pounder,” he will kick you in the knee and take your wallet and any jewelry you are wearing.
(Source: America West Airlines travel guide)

These shocking facts and more can be found here. Once again, I leave my gentle readers to draw their own conclusions about this hateful, evil nation and its unpleasant denizens, with their incessant foul language and their flip-top heads. [via boingboing]

Enron explained : Now this, I like.

April 19, 2002 / / 4 Comments

Cunningly crafted to appeal to the refined, erudite Wonderchicken sensibilities : monkeys, poop, humping, and random violence, all at the service of sticking it to the corporates. Heavy with goodness.

…What, in layman’s terms, actually happened at Enron?
Perhaps the best way to explain to the average reader (one without an economics degree) is to use a metaphor. Say there is a troop of monkeys and their day consists of seeking out bananas. The head monkey orders all the other monkeys to collect their bananas in a pile, which will be eaten at the end of the day and not a moment before.
Only not many bananas are found.
One of the monkeys starts screeching, voids his bowels and flings his excrement at another monkey. Soon all the monkeys are flinging monkeysh-t at each other and smearing it all over themselves. This arouses one monkey, who begins masturbating frantically. Other monkeys start mounting each other and a sh-t-stained orgy ensues. Monkeys hump violently, crushing those on the bottom of the pile. The head monkey grabs a stick and flails around at random, whacking his compatriots. He bares his teeth and screams a defiant message.
“REEEEEEEP! RREEEP! REEEP! REEEEP! Ooh ooh ooh. REEEEEAAAAAAAP!!!! REEEEEEEEEAAARRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEP!!!!”
While this analogy is perhaps simplistic, it contains the essence of the problem posed by Enron.

Rumproast.

SPACE GHOST: King like that

March 18, 2002 / / No Comments
SPACE GHOST: King like that don’t need hair. Speaking of hair, what’s up with your ‘do?
GEORGE CLINTON: Oh, my ‘do. Well, what comes around, went that way. And I can get around, you know what I’m sayin’?
SPACE GHOST: No. I wear a hood.
GEORGE CLINTON: You wear a ‘hood? I, I live in a ‘hood. You have a ‘hood, yeah, but how would I wear a ‘hood?
SPACE GHOST: It’s not hard. I take an entire neighborhood, put it on my head and dance around where the neighborhood used to be. The people who live in the neighborhood are terrified by my hopping, and some of them fall off my head and are trampled. It is then that the dance becomes a dance of sadness.
GEORGE CLINTON: Why are you tellin’ me this?
SPACE GHOST: Because I care about the innocent victims of my ill-advised dance of joy.
GEORGE CLINTON: Oh…
SPACE GHOST: Fries don’t come with that deadly shake.

That is all.

Wheeeee

March 13, 2002 / / No Comments

Because there may be (one or two) People Still Living who still haven’t seen this, and because I’ve emptied a few bottles this evening (spot the telegraphing of the thematic whatchamacallit! Yes! I am win!), and because every time I see it, it makes me giggle like a Robotic Giggling Machine from the Future, I give you Gonads and Strife. Enjoy. Again.
(And if ya liked them apples, be sure not to miss the epic Schoolbus!)
Edit : Unrelated flash oddness – Why is the dog being pooped on, and why does Panasonic™ think that’s a good thing? Only the Japanese public knows.

No realli!

March 6, 2002 / / No Comments
No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”…

Have a yen…

February 18, 2002 / / No Comments

Have a yen for some public defecation, coprophagia, bestiality, and a peppy soundtrack? The wonderchicken is happy to comply. Is it the latest from stileproject or one of the other net.cesspools? Nope, it’s a new Korean flash cartoon – cute, but somewhat disturbing. (Warning : don’t go there if you’re easily offended.) I think it’s kind of amusing, in a twisted way, but then I’m evil incarnate, me. Almost as much poop-oriented fun as this good old standby : Chil-la – The Ass Shooter Game (which I originally marvelled at here.)
The mind would boggle if it weren’t taking a year off.

That is odd, isn’t it? comments.