Please

I have received an email from petition@peaceandlove.com, imploring me to sign a petition (warning : that’s probably an email harvester). This email came to my private, supersecret, jealously guarded email address, at which I have never (yes, never) received a spam email. It’s clear that someone I know provided my email address so that I could receive this message.
Please do not do this, even with the best of intentions. It makes me very angry. I will receive any mail sent to (any address) at serendipity.mailshell.com, and this allows me serverside control of what gets through and what gets blocked.
Thanks.
Update : Dumb f–ks. I just got a spam email to [address at serendipity.mailshell.com], and have edited the above for clarity and to remove the ‘@’. One thing you can always depend on is stupidity.
*blocks that address*

Death Rulez, d00d

I am often inclined to think, all Sturgeonesque, that 90% of everything is crap, and that goes double for poetry. Which would mean, of course, that 180% of poetry is crap, which may be overstating the case somewhat, but that feels like a comfortable number to work with, so I’ll let it stand.
A case in point is this Harold Pinter poem rescued from a slightly-less-than-customarily-dumbass (at least recently) Metafilter thread. Harold Pinter is apparently some Poet of Significance, about whom I know very little, as I ain’t got me mucha that there book-larnin’. Anyway, have a read :

Here they go again,
The Yanks in their armoured parade
Chanting their ballads of joy
As they gallop across the big world
Praising America’s God.
The gutters are clogged with the dead
The ones who couldn’t join in
The others refusing to sing
The ones who are losing their voice
The ones who’ve forgotten the tune.
The riders have whips which cut.
Your head rolls onto the sand
Your head is a pool in the dirt
Your head is a stain in the dust
Your eyes have gone out and your nose
Sniffs only the pong of the dead
And all the dead air is alive
With the smell of America’s God.

Now, I don’t disagree with the sentiment expressed here, as you might guess. Yes, America and their God are doodyheads supreme, and a force for death and evil in the world today. That’s a given, isn’t it? And, hey, I like the loping metre – badum badumdum boop. It’s bouncy, yet martial! Just right, as Goldilocks might exclaim.
What amuses me is that this Great Author’s Poem falls in quality somewhere between lame old Satan-cheering Iron Maiden lyrics, say, and a quote from Cannibal Corpse [warning : rather icky, but may assist in understanding American culture] . You know, I wouldn’t take issue if Pinter’s tripe weren’t meant to be Art, High and Holy. No one listens to Cannibal Corpse (or at least, I wish no one did) expecting a literary artgasm, I don’t think. But oor Harold?
Well, stuff like “The riders have whips which cut. Your head rolls onto the sand Your head is a pool in the dirt Your head is a stain in the dust” goes quite nicely alongside other stuff like

Slaughtered enemies scattered
Trail of death they walked
Drenched in their own blood
A sound of thousands fills the sky
A death that comes so clear
When the rain of fire falls
Flames that will consume
A boiling death appear
The last second alive

Quick now, was that Harold, or the merry pranksters from Vomitory? And does it matter? Admittedly Mr Rundqvist, Vomitory’s wordsmith, has a few problems with getting those nice bumpedyboop rhythms going, and may in fact have a few problems with english as a second language, but I’m willing to bet there are a whole lot more people chanting his songs than dear old Harold’s.
Which may not be the point. You tell me. 250 words or less, due by Friday. Heh.
I wonder, as an aside, how many of the foolish young soldiers going to risk their lives for f–king nothing in Iraq listen, teeth gritted, to mutant scum like Cannibal Corpse and their grindcore ilk? That might be an interesting statistic.

Comedy Gold

toiletduk_tetrifixion_small.gif

Usenet September happens everywhere eventually, and although it’s true the Something Awful forums are not as wildly creative as they used to be, by god, the goons can still occasionally pull off a thread that floors me. This is one of dozens of equally brilliant .gifs from a recent ‘animate art’ thread. The tenor of the forum is full-on Teen Geek, but the creativity is scorching, sometimes.

Questions of Little Import

Am I what I write? Should I put it all here, the angelic farts and the chuckleheaded non-sequiteurs, or should I keep the best and worst of me apart somehow? Should I hold back, or should I tell the story of the first time I silently and all amazed erupted in watery semen when I was 12 while ‘It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World’ spooled off in all its madcap glory on the console TV on New Year’s Eve, just to pick a semi-random example?
Should I tell all and let the googlecache fall where it may? Should I womb up my Real Stuff in some digital sanctorum somewhere, and just amble and natter and hitch a ride on this familiar hitcount-greased Route 66 down which I’m already walking?
Is it art, or is it socializing? It’s pretty goddamn clear that it’s not journalism, and the proposition that it might be such is just laughable: but what polestar should I steer my ship by, I ask you? Is it real or an illusion? Is it the goddamn tedious old Platonic shadow play on the cave wall, or is it a new way of gripping and tasting the souls of friendlies without the halitosis and clumsy hugs? What do I want to do with this pretty ever-lengthening scroll?
f–ked if I know. I think I’ll have a beer and think about it some more.

Offline

We’re moving house, and I’ll be offline for the next few days until I get the new VDSL connection sorted out (I’m begging She Who Must Be Obeyed for a 20Mb connection, which is a mid-range speed in the new xDSL product line offered by Korea Telecom …cross your fingers for me!). In the meantime, why not go have a look at OW™’s new novel?
Keep it between the ditches, amigos. Later.

Leaving The Temple

Photographs in pairs by Stuart Isett.

These photographs are the result of 3 years of work in Asia and represent, in many ways, the discovery that I wouldn’t find spiritual fulfillment in Asia. When I arrived in Thailand in 1988, I saw a land of golden light and saffron robed monks–idealistic images of an idealized land. Although an atheist, I briefly thought I’d find God in Asia.
But like all idealized stereotypes, this image told only half the story because underlying this image was a society as deeply flawed and hypocritical as the one I left behind in America. My attempt to replace what I saw as flawed western world views with the spirituality of Thai Buddhism failed and my experiences in Asia have taught me not to use such simple models as an east/west dichotomy. Rather than look for oppositional models, I am attempting to understand the world through a more universal, critical eye.
[more…]

This Evening

This evening I plan to drink approximately 10-12 bottles of cold, excessively fizzy Korean beer, smoke the one cigarette per week that I allow myself these days, and listen to the entire output of the Tragically Hip.

This may result in amusingly cockeyed posts, either ranty or good-natured, or it may mean that I’ll wander off on some little-travelled web byway and forget about the clamorous demands of my sweet readers, for at least one brief glorious moment of boozy freedom.
Wish me luck.

The Floggies

Ed takes the piss.
[this is good]

“On Thursday, January 16, a panel of 50 prerigged voters received an e-mail. It listed the weblogs that the Weblog Conspiracists wanted you to link to. They had only 45 seconds, time measured on the Gregorian Calendar, to privately give us five favorite weblogs that they had never read, but that they had linked to (six for Weblog of the Year, twice removed) for each category. The five (or six of two possibilities, for Weblog of the Year) receiving the most votes, the ones that managed to link to Jason Kottke, became finalists. I (Nikolai Nolan, Head of S.P.E.C.T.R.E.), having long since lost track of the intricate rules, attempted to conduct this elaborate ceremony on my spare time. That was when I began receiving the hate mails. It wasn’t by accident that I had set up the Floggies Headquarters in a giant volcano and began stroking my cat on a regular basis.”

Fun

What I don’t need is another shiny thing to distract me, but this is some kinda fun, pilgrims. I know it’s been around for a bit, and the alpha is almost over, but it’s new to me, and it’s very cool, and scary addictive. Reminds me, in a good way, of IRC (to which I’ve never been that attracted), crossed with the mind-expanding, imagination-tweaking, eyestrainy old days of all night text-adventuring on my big grey TRS-80.

Zork.jpg

>READ THE SIGN
“Warning! These are poisonous oranges, not meant for human consumption.
– Farmer Bozbar”
>EAT AN ORANGE
Aaarrrr! It burns your tongue and your throat!
***You have died***

I really sucked at text adventures.

TP!

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving
hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry
fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the
starry dynamo in the machinery of night
cornholio.jpg
I hate poetry.

6:15 PM

6:10 PM. First day back at work, mid-winter-break extra classes. About 4 hours after I finished my previous and only other class of the day. No students have appeared yet.
6:15 PM. I get a coffee and meander downstairs to the English office. “I haven’t got any students,” say I, already expecting something amusing. “How odd!”
6:20 PM. It is discovered that my 6-9 PM class doesn’t begin until Friday, a detail the existence of which no one had actually seen fit to inform me. This is Monday. Another fine and predictable day at Keystone Kops Korea University.

Drugs

Drugs, and lots of them. Whacking great quantities of mind-expanding and mind-croggling chemical treats. Monster Scarface-style piles of snowy uncut columbian cocaine on the desk. A cut-crystal bowl full of pills, in all the colours of the rainbow. Monster doses of dimethyltryptamine and d-lysergic acid diethylamide to make my mind ripple and flap like a flag flying in the breath of god. Musty peyote buttons and foil-wrapped grams of psilocybin mushrooms. Opium to smoke and heroin to snort. Alcoholic beverages in all their gem-like hues. Sweet stinky tobacco and marijuana, dark brown hashish in both chunks and oil. Mescaline and methamphetamines. That’s what I want.

jaded3.jpg

I feel the urge to clear the carbon out of the valves, dust off the mental cobwebs. I feel the urge to self-trepanate, sprinkle lighter fluid on the exposed ridges and folds of my cerebral cortex, and light ‘er up. I feel like slipping the surly bonds of earth and touching the cruel, elusive face of god, that old bastard.
But I won’t, because I’m a responsible member of society. I’ll just write a little weblog post about it instead, and hit the button clearly marked ‘SAVE’.

Questions of Poop

Have you ever been caught out in the middle of the night in a park with a runny bum and a convulsing bowel, had to squat and squirt like a beast behind a bush somewhere, and in lieu of paper or leaves or pretty much anything that could be profitably employed for the wiping of the soiled starfish, come up with the brilliant idea of dragging your bum along the dewy grass a bit (learned from the childhood observation of your dog ‘Boomer’ when he had worms) to clean off any klingons?
No, me neither. I was just checking.