I had no idea…

When the movie Wayne’s World was released in Latin America, a lot of the film’s American idiom and idiosyncratic language didn’t translate well, if at all. As a result, many of the phrases and expressions were translated into something very different in the subtitles or dubbing.
For example, when Wayne exclaimed (much to my amusement, which is a shame with which I must forever deal) “Shyaaa! And monkeys might fly out of my butt!” it got changed to, “Yes, when Judgment Day comes,” or “Si, cuándo llegue el día del juicio.”
What I don’t get is why it was felt that Spanish speakers would find the image of monkeys flying from someone’s butt any less comprehensible or immediately interpretable as indicating a highly unlikely event than Anglophones would. I’m enormously curious now about how that phrase got translated in other languages when the movie was released elsewhere.
Most amusing, as really dumb things frequently are.

..And on another note entirely

Mike has come through the fire mostly intact, it would seem, and singing that song of his that I’ve so grown to love. You’re an inspiration to me, you beautiful, long-winded bastard, you. If I have to hunt you down and kill you, like the buddha, it will be out of pure love. This one’s for you. Welcome back, my friend.

Shriekback – Gunning for the Buddha
Mark and Danny in the Greek Hotel
Bold as badgers on a one-take Mission
Got their equipment from a dwarf outside
On the trail of any suspect wisdom
Pond-Life beneath a Southern sky
(They make their move then they head off to the border)
They don’t care as long as you can pay –
Whatever – whatever they say
We’re on the road and we’re gunning for the Buddha
We know his name and he mustn’t get away
We’re on the road and we’re gunning for the Buddha
It would take one shot – to blow him away…
Now’s the time to have some big ideas
Now’s the time to make some firm decisions
We saw the Buddha in a bar down south
Talking politics and nuclear fission
We see him and he’s all washed up –
Moving on into the body of a beetle
Getting ready for a long long crawl
He ain’t nothing – he ain’t nothing at all…
We’re on the road and we’re gunning for the Buddha
We know his name and he mustn’t get away
We’re on the road and we’re gunning for the Buddha
It would take one shot – to blow him away…
Death and Money make their point once more
In the shape of Philosophical assassins
Mark and Danny take the bus uptown
Deadly angels for reality and passion
Have the courage of the here and now
Don’t take nothing from these ½-baked buddhas
When you think you got it paid in full
You got nothing – you got nothing at all…
We’re on the road and we’re gunning for the Buddha
We know his name and he mustn’t get away
We’re on the road and we’re gunning for the Buddha
It would take one shot…
Oh… we’re gunning for the Buddha
We know his name and he mustn’t get away
We’re on the road and we’re gunning for the Buddha
Saying something, saying something unsafe
We’re on the road
Oh… we’re gunning for the Buddha
(Yeah, Yeah)
We’re on the road
You know we’re gunning for the Buddha
You see him blow right there
We’re on the road
We’re gunning, we’re gunning,
We’re gunning on the road
We’re gunning, we’re gunning
We’re gunning for the Buddha

Just to be stubbornly repetitive, humourless and tiresome…

…I’m going to keep hammering on this. The world at large is beginning to notice the blogosphere. The marketing shills smell money in the air. The bright-toothed, fast-talking, lucre-fixated hordes are girding their well-toned loins and casting a hungry eye our way. It’s coming damn it : the signs are all around, and you should take opportunity to be very afraid.
Alternately, you could make like me : leer dementedly and cock a snook at the bastards.

Croggling

Cory uses the phrase ‘mind-croggling’ to describe Ray Kurzweil’s writing. I’ve used the phrase repeatedly over the years. It appears all over the web. But it’s not Real English. Of course, that’s never stopped me before.
Will ‘mind-croggling’ eventually become a part of the language, or can it be argued that it already is?

mind-crog·gling (mndcrglng)
adj. Informal
Intellectually or emotionally overwhelming: “a mind-croggling bazaar of talking mattresses and improbability generators”.

The first time I recall ever seeing the phrase was in Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy books. I suspect he just made it up, on the fly, as a natural descriptor for the next step beyond being boggled.
I remember with great pleasure sitting on the beach beside the cold cold lake one summer, out back of the house, in my hometown, reading and re-reading a copy of the Hitchhiker’s Guide, laughing out loud. One of the first long pieces of writing I ever did, back in my early teens, was in emulation of the gymnastic language and unbridled silliness of the Guide. I’ve gone back to those books every couple of years since, and they’re still dear to my heart.
I loved that Douglas Adams. He had a huge influence in molding the WonderChickonian sense of humour. I guess that he might have preferred more substantial legacies than these, but maybe they’ll do just fine.

Another Ex-Pat

Via a conversation at Shelley’s, I found the weblog of another waeguk-in here in Seoul. And what’s more, he’s already written a piece on hangul (the Korean system of writing), like the one I was threatening to write (and predictably have been too lazy to actually do). It is perhaps a little more learned than anything I might have come up with, and more about Chinese characters than Korean ones. Not that that’s a bad thing, of course.
He does, however, manage to work in an arrogant crack about english professors :

“It is true that there is another category of people who don’t have to learn Korean at all: language professors. They might not be in the higher-income bracket, but they have enough students speaking their language that they don’t need to lift a finger.”

…but since I’ve often said the same sorts of things myself, I’ll let it slide. (Edit : On second thought, f–k letting it slide : I wonder if he includes in his blanket condemnation english professors, who, like a certain Poulet Magnifique that shall go nameless, were recently extremely well-paid (noted because of what would seem to be evidence of an unhealthy preoccupation with money in his blog posts) technologists, but found the profession so filled with lucre-obsessed soul-destroying clones, that they voluntarily gave it up and came back to teaching because they actually love it, and to Korea, because much as they love to complain, they love the people here? Or that actually do speak some Korean, despite the fact that they “don’t need to lift a finger”? And speak Spanish, French and German too? And can tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue? Judge all you want, my presumptuous friend, but you may find that not everyone fits into your facile, smug little categories.)
It’s another manifestation of the Expat Status Games of which I am so terribly knob-chafingly bored. I am unpleasantly bemused to find it in blogland as well.

A Real Memepool

Reading Joey’s dispatches from the O’Reilly Emerging Technology Conference, I had an idea. Now everyone hush a bit, because this is a rare thing, and even the slightest breath of wind could blow the little f–ker away….
I was thinking about the chronological organisation of blogs, and how, flexible as tools like Moveable Type are, allowing me to organise my posts by category, for example, (Old Empties – Categorically on the sidebar) or by how much interest visitors have had in discussing the things I’ve talked about (Recent Conversations on the sidebar), I hunger for a way to conceptually group things. The use of pre-defined categories still feels too rigid for me.
What would be cool, and what I’d like to put together if I had the 1337 5k1llz, would be a sort of Memepop, a Daypop that tracked the memes (ah crap, I am so sick of that word) ideas enjoying circulation in Blogspace at any given moment.
It would use the Google API perhaps, or perhaps not, but it would allow you to (via a XML-fed plugin to MT or Blogger maybe?) grab a quick list of the top 40 (say) ideas with mindshare amongst bloggers at any given moment (Domain hijacking, googlebombing, semitism and anti-, the ‘Creative Commons’ are some current examples), and flag your new post, if it were a thought that you wanted to drop into the river, as relating to that topic. This act of flagging then feeds back into the Memepool, and pushes the idea higher up into the consciousness of the Blog Hive Mind. A high level conceptual way to thread your way through Blogspace, to organise conversations from the bottom-up and later revisit them…
One big question would be how to cleverly populate that list in the first place…through human suggestions, or through some clever parsing of the Daypop Top 40 or it’s equivalent? I don’t know the answer to that. But I can see that once it reached a certain critical mass, it would be very very cool.
It would be mondo-groovy to be able to flag this post, for example, with consensus-created categories (dynamic ones, which might disappear again from the Top 40 in a week or two) “Emerging Tech Conference” and “Threading in Blogspace”, knowing that other people out there are flagging posts with the same ‘categories’, and be able to hit a site and see the threading, woven through blogspace, laid out for me, sorted chronologically or conceptually or otherwise…
Perhaps I’m just talking crap again. It gets hard to tell sometimes.

I hate love to say I told you so…

Dr W mentions this and asks “Does this mean that malevolent corporations will inevitably poison the well of conversation?”
I feel a little self-congratulatory pointing (I did it a few days ago here, and on Metafilter recently, too) to this wee rant I wrote a couple of months ago, but Rule #23a of Effective Weblogging is Work Those Archives, right?
Anyway, I hope this is germane. I haven’t had my first coffee yet, so who knows…

The God of Ordinary Things

In light of what Shelley said today, which may or may not have been in response to any degree to my comments yesterday, I feel I should clarify a bit.
I said

“Nor am I terribly keen on reading about your adventures in buying coffee at the local Starbucks, unless in the telling of said adventures your words are so cunningly crafted as to make me grin like a monkey (and even better, leap up and down and fling my excrement), or otherwise evoke some feeling other than ‘well, that’s five minutes of my life I’ll never get back.’ “

I made a mess of that. Besides getting lost in the syntax and being too cleverclever by half, I managed to obscure my actual point. Tales of the commonplace, stories about the small things that make up our daily existence, can be fascinating. They can be beautiful, or heartbreaking, and they can shine a light on our own lives, and help us to understand that, really, we are all the same, us hairless primates.
It’s not that I find tales of ordinary, daily life tedious. Not at all. All the meat and juice comes from it : all the tragedy and comedy of our lives is woven into ordinary, daily life. “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans,” goes the cliche.
But I do find a badly-told tale tedious, no matter the subject. If your story of your trials and tribulations at the local Starbucks (to use the same example I used before (and I’m hoping no one who happens by here has actually written one of those recently) has all the music and muscularity of a shopping list, it’s unlikely that I’ll find it interesting.
I make no claim to being the most pellucid, or entertaining, or skilled writer, or even having any greater skill than being able to string a few words together in an occasionally pleasing fashion. Far from it.
I hope I’m not coming off as elitist. But, speaking for myself, I’m only interested in the minutiae of someone’s daily existence if they can relate to me those tales of the commonplace in a way that piques my interest.
(Edit : Uh. I just realized thanks to a BB post that Our Gonzo Standard Bearer and All Around Ranteriffic Guy, a certain Mr. Locke, recently talked about his experiences at a Starbucks, and did so in a most engaging fashion. The example used above was not intended as some sort of bass-ackwards commentary about that. I am nothing like that subtle. My brain simply doesn’t work that way. I suppose that’s what I get for reading EGR after I’ve had a few…)

If you build it, they will come…

What the hell is this? I dunno..
I woke up several times during the night last night, and each and every time, as I swam up into semi-consciousness, a phrase was running unbidden through my head : “pepperoni zamboni“.
In some sort of Field-Of-Dreams-Close-Encounters-esque fit of compulsive behaviour, the first thing I did this morning was whip up this quick and dirty pic, which comes reasonably close to reproducing the mental image that accompanied the phrase.
I couldn’t make this stuff up, folks.

A Totally Random Thought

I just had a brainfart, and wondered how many warblogs are actually written by employees of the Office Of Strategic Mind Control as sub rosa propaganda tools.
Has my natural predilection for paranoia gone over the top this time? Are the American propaganda machines really that clever? Are they just the bumbling-halfwits-that-always-seem-to-get-away-with-it, Gilligan-stylee? Or something else entirely, something less reassuring to believe?
You tell me.

Righteous Indignation

This Metafilter thread is good medicine if you’re keen to work up a head of righteous steam and then go smite the hell out of the first person who annoys you. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about… one of the many fascinating links out of that thread is to this : The Top 100 Corporate Criminals of the ’90’s. And down near the bottom of that list I found :

86) Hyundai Motor Company
Type of Crime: Campaign finance
Criminal Fine: $600,000
93) Korean Air Lines
Type of Crime: Campaign finance
Criminal Fine: $250,000
96) Daewoo International (America) Corporation
Type of Fine: Campaign finance
Criminal Fine: $200,000
100) Samsung America Inc.
Type of Crime: Campaign finance
Criminal Fine: $150,000

It would appear that some of the chaebols (the huge corporations that own this country outright) were attempting to buy themselves a president or two in America back in the last decade. I wonder if it was one of the Shrubs, or Slick Willy who was their rent-boy…

The Expat Status Ladder

Good piece on how expats in Japan rank each other in the unspoken pecking orders. The author’s observations apply quite well for waeguk-in in Korea, too, except for the fact that there are effectively no jobs at all for a foreigner here who isn’t either an english teacher, working in the local branch office of a foreign corporation, or an exploited migrant factory worker.
It’s always a quandary – what to do on those rare occasions that you do see a foreign (read ‘caucasian’) face. Being the big friendly galoot that I am (provided I’m not having a Grumpy Day), I generally nod and smile conspiratorially. Due either to some deficiency in my powers of charm, or the fact that most foreigners here spend a great deal of their time having their very own Grumpy Days, at least 60% of the time my friendly mugging is met with a blank stare. That’s OK by me, as it helps me to realize that it’s not the majority of Korean people that I dislike, it’s the majority of people in general. It’s important to keep your misanthropy honed to a keen edge.
‘On being a gaijin’, from the same writer, hits very close to home as well.
At the moment, all the TV networks are running a pre-World Cup ad campaign whose basic message is : “If you’re approached by a foreigner, don’t squeal and run away, or shoo them off like a great dairy-product-reeking beast, be nice to them! If they come up to you, babbling incoherently in their long-tongued, incomprehensible gutterspeak, brandishing a map, try to help them! Strange as they look and outlandishly as they may behave, they won’t bite, usually.”
The fact that the government finds it necessary to run these ads on heavy rotation speaks volumes about this place. Not for nothing was Korea once called the ‘Hermit Nation’.

Moonshiner (traditional)

I’ve been a moonshiner
For seventeen long years
And I spent all my money
On whiskey and beer
And I go to some hollow
And set up my still
If whiskey don’t kill me
Lord, I don’t know what will
And I go to some barroom
To drink with my friends
Where the women they can’t follow
To see what I spend
God bless them pretty women
I wish they was mine
With breath as sweet as
The dew on the vine
Let me eat when I’m hungry
Let me drink when I’m dry
Two dollars when I’m hard up
Religion when I die
The whole world is a bottle
And life is but a dram
When the bottle gets empty
Lord, it sure ain’t worth a damn

Ask The Wonderchicken!

With the World Cup fast approaching, coupled with the incredible groundswell of interest around the entire planet in the latest semi-coherent ramblings of He Who Is Called Marvellous Poultry, I am compelled by a sense of civic duty to introduce a new feature here at the ‘Bottle, fetchingly entitled “Ask The WonderChicken”.
Have questions about Korea? About being wonderful, or chickeny, or pseudo-Greek? Need a good drink recipe, or a vile and unpalatable one? Trying to figure out this whole InTarWEb thing, and wondering who put the ‘l’ in Blog? Having trouble with your lovelife, and need to know where to find houses of ill repute in Busan? (OK, true, I did already cover that one.)
Well, my friends, scratch your heads in puzzlement no more, the wonderchicken is here. The answerchicken is reporting for duty! Eat that, Google Answers!
Just send in your question to askthewonderchicken AT serendipity DOT mailshell DOT com, and our crack team (of one, granted, but we’re looking at an IPO soon, honest) will spring into action to ease your troubled mind.
Soon, all will become clear. Or at least clearer. A little. Maybe.

[Brought to you by the good folks at EmptyBottle.org – “Give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything!”. Absolutely no guarantee of accuracy or completeness is implied or intended. Void where prohibited by law. Settling of contents may occur during shipping. Some assembly required.]

Spooky

Do Not Eat Your Own Head
There’s a strange eerie silence out on the wires tonight. It feels like the hush before Something Big happens – it feels like the brief interregnum of silence between the doctor’s slap on the ass and the first juddery indrawn breath and full-throat wail. It feels like the puff of air that precedes the flash flood. It smells like blood, and piss, and it scares the hell out of me.
Then again, it could just be that slightly elderly spaghetti sauce I had at dinner coming back on me.

More, and more lucid : Content != Elvis?

…The preoccupation of decision makers with content and broadcast communication is also not new. In the early 19th century, the explicit policy of the U.S. government was to promote wide dissemination of newspapers. They were regarded as the main tool for keeping citizenry informed and engaged in building a unified nation. Hence newspaper distribution was subsidized from profits on letters…
The policy of the U.S. government to promote newspaper “content” at the expense of person-to-person communication through letters may or may not have been correct. It would be a hard task (and one well beyond the scope of this work) to decide this question. However, there are reasonable arguments that the preoccupation with newspapers harmed the social and commercial development of the country by stifling circulation of the informal, non-content information that people cared about….
A skeptical reader might say that all this historical stuff is amusing but irrelevant. We live in the 21st century, and our high-tech present as well as our future are on the Web, where content is universally regarded as king. Studies of the Internet regularly find that Web traffic makes up 60 to 80% of the bytes that are transmitted. Certainly most of the commercial development effort on the Internet and almost all the attention are devoted to content. Thus even if content was not king in the early 19th or late 20th centuries, it might be king in the 21st.
There are three counterarguments to the above objection, all of which support the “content is not king” thesis. All argue that the dazzling success of the Web has created a misleading picture of what the Internet is, or is likely to evolve towards. One argument, to be discussed in more detail later, is that the future of the Internet is not with the Web, but with programs like Napster or (even more, because of its decentralized nature) Gnutella, which allow for informal sharing of data.
The second argument is that content is not king of the Web. Most of the traffic on the Internet is corporate (especially if we include internal intranet traffic that is not visible on the public backbones)….Because browsers are a user-friendly tool that is ubiquitous, a multitude of services have been squeezed into a Web framework. They help perpetuate the image of the Internet as primarily a content-delivery mechanism. (Note that the Web was invented to allow scientists to communicate with each other and access data, not for content delivery.)
The third and final argument is that even if content were king on the Web now, the Web is not king of the Internet. This may again seem absurd, especially in view of the statistics quoted above, that most of the Internet traffic is Web transfers. However, consider again the U.S. postal system of 1832. Content certainly dominated in terms of volume of data. Newspapers sent by mail weighed about 20 times as much as letters. Further, the density of printed matter is higher than of handwriting, and a typical copy of a newspaper was likely read many more times than a typical letter. Hence newspaper “content” was probably delivering at least a hundred times as much information as letters. But volume is not the same as value. Letters were bringing in 85% of the money needed to run the postal system in 1832. On the Internet in 2000, it is e-mail that is king, even if its volume is small.
– Andrew Odlyzko, Content is not King

[more…]
I’m not sure I agree with Mr Odlyzko, entirely, but that may only be a matter of semantics. My feverdream defense of ‘content’ a couple of days ago took as its launchpad an understanding of the word that is broader than the one Mr Odlyzko uses (and in some ways is actually diametrically opposed to it, but that’s a side-issue, I think). Blogs as open letters, as content rather than Content….
One of the things Mr Odlyzko is saying is that the internet is not a broadcast medium. As obviously wrong as it seems, thinking it is was one of the core dumbass mistakes that businesses were making before the bubble burst, one of the dumbass mistakes that’s still being made. AOLTimeWarner indeed. LOLTimeWarner, maybe. (Ba-dump dump tish! Thank you, you’ve been a great audience. I’ll be here until Thursday!)
One-to-oneness is where value (questions there are aplently about the word ‘value’, too) lies, more than one-to-manyness (Mr O talks about letters and newspapers, about email and the web). The bridge between the two concepts is (ta-daaa!) the weblog, of course. It’s not email, but it shares much of the intensely personal nature nature of correspondence. It’s not ‘Content’, at least not in the way that Big Media regards it, as a ‘non-recoverable expense‘. But it is true that blogspace contains some of the most compelling writing and imagery and pure fun that’s available on the internet or elsewhere, ‘content’ that’s constantly renewed by the passions of thousands of individuals singing their individual songs for the pure joy of the singing, and for the comradeship that comes from finding people who hear similar music in their heads…
This message of Mr O’s reminds me very much of the sort of thing that a certain Mr Locke (quoted recently here: “You can broaden the pipe as far as you want, but if everybody can play, it’s not broadcast any more. There isn’t that control of the passes. The channel is out of control and that makes it a different game…”) and his cohort of merry cluesters have been saying for a while, and are still saying.
I like it when things come together like that.

My Thinking Gland Is Borked

This Metafilter thread has put me into an old well-worn groove wherein, despite many thoughts ignited and roman-candle launched across the night sky, I keep circling back inexorably to a conviction that people are evil, and that we are all circling the bowl waiting for that terminal clean-up flush, and so, before I get too terribly worked-up about it, I just move on.
Edit : Yes, I know :
“People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson