Jem!

Through the last few years of my university career, I spent the bulk of my time with a group of (for the most part) hard-drinking, (for the most part) punk-rock proto-grrrls, who took the bumptious clay that was this boozy small-town-boy-gone-bad and molded him into Professor Bosco T. Matrix, the Liver That Walked Like a Man. Much fun was had by all, and the usual sex, drugs, rock and roll, wacky hijinx and adventures ensued, as these things do.
One of the appealingly quirky things about this gaggle of gals was their enjoyment of a truly goofy 80’s cartoon called Jem. I was forced to sit through many episodes of this, sometimes even while sober, and it was a minor bane of my existence. I hadn’t actually thought about it in perhaps a decade, until Lia mentioned it recently, and in the process led me to Fush (who is a Very Amusing Young Man).
Downside to all this pleasant linky-dinky and reminiscence? I now have the Jem theme running through my mind, and I swear, someone is going to pay.
“Jem! is truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous…”

I had lunch here yesterday.

How weird is this new linked-up world we live in? (Answer : uh, pretty a lot, Mr Chicken!) This place is a nondescript little second-floor barbecued pork restaurant in Sanbon, way out in the ‘burbs of Seoul, the place I mentioned a couple of posts ago when I said we were having lunch and yadda yadda.
I just this minute remembered the URL on the window and how funny I thought ‘iporky.com’ was…

Adultery

So we’re having lunch, and one of my Canadian co-workers, who has a tendency to talk more than his fair share of sh-t, is yammering on about how half of the women in Korean prisons are there for adultery. I’m about to call ‘bullsh-t’ when one of our Korean colleagues chimes in and verifies what he’s saying. The laws still regard adultery as a jailable offence, but the only people being prosecuted, for most part, are women.
Apparently it’s commonplace, when a wife in this country is discovered to be cuckolding a husband, for said husband to press charges, and for the wife to be prosecuted and sent to jail. This in a place where there is an omnipresent, enormous, but largely invisible sex industry, and where men are almost expected to take a mistress when they reach that magic socio-economic stratum where simple whores are no longer de riguer. Or at least not in front of the guys.
I just start getting a handle on this place, and then something comes along to make me realize how deeply I don’t get it.

Those Wacky Kids

Learn something every day : the number 420 is freighted with significance for dope smokers.
I’ve always been aware of pervasive networks of signals and signs, not conspiracies or the illuminati or anything of the kind, mind you, just a background hum of information being passed between people who know how to decode that information, on the streets and in the bars, everywhere. Communication indecipherable, silent, to those who don’t know of its existence. These things have always fascinated me, I think because I’ve always enjoyed experimenting with personas, talking to people from other tribes and taking on protective colouring that exploits those secret signs and passwords. When someone thinks you share at least some elements of the secret language of their tribe, they open up to you in a way they cannot do when you’re the outsider. It’s a way to learn more about people, and something I’ve always instinctively done.
This 420 stuff is an example of that context-hijacking dialogue that goes on constantly under the noses of the uninitiated. Fascinating stuff.

Capitalism Gone Mad!

I’m mercifully free of hangovers lately, as I’m on some Chinese herbal medicine, and I’m not supposed to drink while taking it. This is good, for a change of pace, and I find my brain is ticking over quite nicely.
Spent a couple hours today designing a few logos and putting up a Cafe Press shop. Why the hell not, eh? I noticed Oliver’s recent post about having one, and figured I might as well give it a blast.
The three logos are here, here, and here (large images, popups). The shop is here. I make a buck from each item sold. Support the wonderchicken! Buy neat stuff!
Or not, I don’t really mind too much…

Ad Absurdum

This latest semi-coherent rambling comes in response to the comments at BurningBird’s place here, and some comments made by AKMA here. I apologize if it is facile – I just wanted to get some partly-formed ideas off my chest.
In the comments at ‘Bird’s place, Mike Golby mentions something about Mike Sanders redubbing ‘warbloggers’ ‘lifebloggers’. I couldn’t find any reference to this phrase at Mike Sanders’ blog, so I won’t pursue the dissonance of that equivalence (*ting* the tiny echoes of the phrase ‘moral equivalence’ might now be playing about your mental shell-likes) any further. It may have just been a brainfart on Mike Golby’s part. (But if a warblogger is somehow a ‘lifeblogger’, then mark me down as a deathblogger. Tangentially, does anyone else notice the slow shift of the meaning of the neologism ‘warblogger’ to mean a blogger who supports and cheerleads military killing, by someone or anyone, rather than just someone whose main topic of blogging is things to do with the current American War on Terra? Or maybe that’s just me…)
I don’t say ‘deathblogger’ simply to be contrarian, though such is my tendency. I regard death as less of a Nemesis than many, for reasons stemming from experiences in my young life rather than religious faith, and I do think that some large component of the irrational, deeply-felt response people have to things like the current sh-tstorm over in the eastern mediterranean comes directly from a horror and fear of Death. Isn’t that odd?
Apologies to AKMA may be in order, but : if these people, in the middle east and Ireland and elsewhere, who are killing one another as much because of their religious beliefs as mundane matters of territory and bloody revenge, if they are indeed so devout…well, it strikes me then that their respective religions teach them that their bloodthirsty righteousness will be rewarded in an afterlife of some kind, no?
AKMA says :

..those who adhere to the Way of Jesus have been not just advised, but commanded not to kill–not even to contemplate killing (nor even losing one’s temper at another); those who adhere to the Torah have the prophets’ word that the Eternal summons us to lives of justice and peace, where nation no longer lifts up sword against nation.

This may indeed be the case, but it seems to me in practice that the ‘thou shalt not kill’ edict has often been, and still is relaxed, by the man (and woman) on the street, is it not, when it comes to killing in the name of God? Leaders both religious and secular invoke the name of whichever almighty they imagine to be their benefactor, to strike down the enemy, to lend strength to their killers out on the bloody plain. The people who listen to these leaders take up their guns and cudgels secure in the knowledge that smashing the skulls of their enemies or putting bullets through their hearts are actions mandated and approved by their deity and his representatives on Earth. We’re talking about the reality of belief here, not the ideal. I assume this is somehow mystically reconciled in their minds with the ‘God is Love’ mantra of more peaceful times – call it Tough Love, I guess.
I say this not to ridicule Christian belief. I find the metaphors embedded in the faith, as in others, to be rich and rewarding. Though countless lives have been lost in the name of God and Christ, Mohammed and Allah, countless deeds of mercy and kindness have been performed, as well.
But back to the Fear of Death. I’ve always thought it odd, and it’s always been one of the things that I couldn’t really get my head around, when it came to Christianity : it seems hard for a devout Christian to justify anything other than feelings of joy when a presumably heaven-bound relative makes the Big Swan Dive into the abyss. There’s self-pity, of course, or fear for a more lonely, or poorer, future here amongst the living. These grief-triggers I understand. But I have a little difficulty understanding grief unleavened with what should be happiness for the deceased, for the spirit drawn unto the bosom of the Lord, among the devout.
The ritual wailing and moaning, the tearing out of hair, the sackcloth and ashes that some cultures indulge in as a ritual response to death : these, I understand, too, as catharsis, as closure. Ritual response to events of great magnitude in our lives help us to cope with those events without thinking too much about them, and help to incorporate those events in the fabric of our community.
I catch a scent of the ritual response to death in the response to the killing in the Middle East at the moment.
There is, as always, division into camps amongst the not-very-clever : Side A is right! No, you bastard, Side B is right! Amongst others, there is a weary acceptance that both warring sides are right, and amongst a subgroup of those, an awareness that both sides are also equally wrong. But even within this camp, there are those who call for warfare and those who call for ‘peace’. There are also a large number who, through laziness or bodhisattva-like equanimity, through utter misanthropy or through dirt-stick-stone stupidity, via ‘good’ or ‘evil’ intention, modulate their outrage, or accept what is as inevitable and thus good.
There are some who believe that the raging, naked ape in us will keep the tribes at each other’s throats for a good long time, if not until the last of our species stands over the lifeless body of the unlucky penultimate one, triumphant. There are some who would welcome ‘peace’, who would work for it each day of their lives, who are also certain that it is a chimera.
There are those who see the arguments among the observers as fractal, self-similar meta-examples of the bloodletting amongst the combatants, and grow more pessimistic about there ever being an end to warfare.
The question is this, perhaps : whether a life spent working for this idea of ‘peace’, always aware that such a goal may never be reached, in one’s own lifetime or beyond, is a life well-spent.

Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!

Some more proof that Korea is changing. This would have been unthinkable a few years ago. Of course, I suspect that I wouldn’t have seen the ad for it on the subway this afternoon if more people actually knew what ‘vagina’ means in english.
I also quite like the fact that the first heading on the site’s top navigation bar is ‘Vagina’, with sub-entries ‘intro’, ‘synopsis’ and ‘original’. Sophomoric, I know, but hey, anything for a giggle.
[It will be amusing in a slightly depressing way to see the Googlehits I get after posting the words ‘vagina’ and ‘Korea’ in such close proximity.]

The New 7 Wonders

For someone who’s inordinately proud of his ‘random footsore dogsh-t wanderings’ around the planet, I find it a little distressing in light of my advancing years and growing domesticity that of the 25 candidates here (almost 6 million people have voted on the choices, apparently) for the new 7 wonders of the world, I’ve only visited 8 so far:

  • THE ROMAN COLOSSEUM
  • THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA
  • THE EIFFEL TOWER
  • THE VERSAILLES PALACE AND PARK
  • THE PYRAMIDS AT CHICHÉN ITZÁ
  • SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE
  • THE CHURCH OF LA FAMILIA SAGRADA
  • THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE
    Perhaps there is time enough yet for the rest before they lay me down. I can hope.

  • Being John Googlovich

    A huge number of Googly-searches showing up here lately have been for bottle+f–k, which I assume is a niche-porno thang. It’s all good, if nasty and pathetic.
    What amused me when I clicked one of the referrers for the ‘bottle f–k’ search in the recent-referrer gadget over on the right there, was that as of the latest GoogleBot index of the EmptyBottle, not only was I hit #4 for ‘bottle f–k’ but the quoted text was ‘footsore random dogsh-t wandering’ which I don’t even remember writing, but is Pure WonderChicken Poetry in my mind. Sums up the last decade and a half of my life, by criminy-cheesetoast!
    And really, since I (when I’m in my right mind) write most of this sh-t for myself for the most part, the fact that that amuses me a whole bunch is all that counts, ain’t it?

    Not For Dinner

    Stinky, but delicious.
    A quarter-page ad on page 3 of today’s Korea Herald. Because it’s too hard to read in my scan, I note that the return address for the coupon is in Kent, England.
    It’s time once again to pull out my by-now-standard response :
    “How about a nice steaming cup of shut the f–k up?”
    Ah, that felt good.

    Kill

    KILL

    KILL!

    KILL!

    You f–king primates. Kill each other until you’re all dead, grind each other’s bones to make your bread. Swing the infants by their heels and shatter their tiny skulls on the doorjambs of your hovels. Kill! Hate! Let it never end! Swear blood feuds, and carry on the senseless slaughter of your fathers’ fathers, and their thick-fingered simian fathers, too. Bathe in the blood of your enemies, before they have a chance to caper like children in arterial gouts of yours. Cleanse the world of your hated foes, yes, that’s it, ethnically cleanse. If there are any women left alive, don’t forget to rape them, and rape them hard. Slitting their throats after you’ve spilled your filthy warrior seed is optional, but recommended. Kill! Lay waste! Wreak havoc! Defend the honour of your people, sink your hands deep into the warm entrails of those you would destroy as they cough out their last curse! Kill!
    Just hurry it up, already. I’m waiting to dance on your unmarked graves, you cheeseheads.

    The Siren Call of Crap

    You ever get that feeling when it’s like your brain is wrapped in wet towels? Dirty, warm, wet towels? Where you start a sentence, then trail off after a word or two because the expenditure of effort you predict will be necessary to actually complete it is way beyond what seems possible? Where ideas and plans, schemes and dreams, file in serried ranks through your mind, but it’s like watching a New Year’s Day parade while dozing on the sofa with a debilitating hangover and a sweaty scalp – the grandeur of it all is reduced to fuzzy snapshots, and you can’t seem to do much more than watch as they move slowly out of reach. You ever feel like what you have done isn’t all that sh-t hot, and what you’ve got planned will never come to fruition? Ever wish that some relatives would die, and leave you some goddamn money, so you could get off the treadmill, and then feel guilty about it? Have you ever gone a few days without bathing, ’cause sometimes you like the stank? Ever wish that you could actually focus your intellect on something worthwhile, but get pulled inevitably, irresistably, by the siren call of crap, and waste yet another day?
    Ever piss and moan and whine in public, rather than get off your ass and actually do something?
    Uhh, yeah. I have.

    Moveable Type Rocks

    I’ve got to say, the more I play with this thing, the more I like it. It’s powerful, flexible, and easy as pie for a semi-geek like myself to customize.
    I draw your attention to two new features over on the sidebar to the right : a list of the five most recently-commented upon entries, and a list of all the blog categories, with a post-count beside each. I played a bit fast and loose with the categories when I imported from Blogger, but they’re relatively accurate, for the most part. Please feel free to waste hours of your precious time perusing the archives – there’s some stinky crap in there, but there’s some Good Eatin’ too, if I do say so myself.

    We're On The Road And We're Gunning For The Buddha

    I read Mike’s latest : well, OK, inebriated as I am at the moment, I skimmed Mike’s latest, and I f–king give up.
    I know it’s not a competition, but I Live To Win (though I’ll deny that if you quote me), and to be honest, there’s simply no way I’m going to be able to kick Mike’s ass, bloggishly speaking. Through sheer quality, and undeniable volume, he’s winning the Blog Primaries.
    This is a major setback for me, wonderchicken fans, and I recommend that if you have any love for me, if you’ve ever had any love for me or plan to have some love for me in the future, even if only a little guilty tingle down there under the kitchen table, if you have any desire whatsoever to see the Solid Family Values of The WonderChicken prevail, I ask to you to consider the removal, yea, the bloggy occupation of the territory of this South African bodhisattva – I implore you, I beg you, I COMMAND YOU, click your tight little inter-buns over to Mike’s blog and abuse him mercilessly! Talk some sh-t! Quote bad poetry! Make references to Things Semitic and suggest that he Doesn’t Like Them! Abuse the man until he resorts to linking to random Daypop Top 40 transients with a textual arched-eyebrow, with a hipster-goof mock-sarcastic word or two, until he winds up posting the results of the latest “Which Star Trek Voyager Character Are You?” quiz, until he abandons the long-form post forever and begins to exhibit all the outward symptoms of a terminal speed-freak, which is the behavioural lot of those approaching the terminal stages of webloggerdom.
    Fly, my pretties, fly!

    You Know Who You Are

    An aside to that annoying bastard (you know who you are) who made me nearly blow a gasket recently when he described Daddy Bush’s incursion in the Gulf a dozen years ago as a justified battle of Good Versus Evil, a righteous mobilization to displace “Saddam Hussein, who was, uhhh, like, a new Hitler” : read this, you clueless propaganda-lapping dipsh-t. And this too, if your attention span can manage it.
    Thanks to OnePotMeal for the timely facts, some of which I’d forgotten. Non-dipsh-ts may wish to read his next post, which is marvellous in a completely different way.

    Going All Memepool on Your Ass

    Art. Nature. Blues. Play more spaceship and Satan music! Monsters. Travel. World’s Best Bars. Return of the stubbie. Sex with Chickens. f–k Microsoft. Sleep Sex. 800 lashes! weblog.f–k.org. confused, disorganized and maddeningly tiring to read. Mmmm Gyros! Indestructible sandwich plus muscle-building pill = well, who f–king cares, really?
    This weblogging sh-t gets tiresome, you know. Never gonna do that again.
    *goes back to whatever it was he was doing before*
    (Uhhh – read the above as stream-of-link-consciousness, I guess. Puts me in mind of my first trip to London at 22, sleeping on sweatsoaked foam mattresses on the floor of a gymnasium for a quid a night, wandering the streets in a boggled, eyes-wide and mind-racing haze, gobsmacked, with my taciturn-but-dependable university buddy Stiffy more or less trailing along, me spewing random stream of consciousness poetry as we walked, wheeling to look at him every once in a while and say ‘write that down!’, only half in jest (You think I’m arrogant now, you shoulda know me then!), returning at night, after 10 or 20 kilometres of diesel-fume footsore random dogsh-t wandering, back to the King’s Cross Youth Club or whatever the f–k it was called, and bedding down on the foam mats we pulled out of the closet near our Finnish poor-but-happy temporary road-buddies, Sockhead and Son, listening to the proprietor of the flophouse-gym scream ‘yoo fookin’ coont!’ at whoever was annoying him that evening. But, as I say so many times, that’s a story for another day, perhaps…)

    I'm writing Japanese, I think I'm writing Japanese, I really think so!

    Many thanks to Jonathon for a fascinating essay on writing and reading in Japanese. In tribute, though my corresponding knowledge of the Korean language is dwarfed by his knowledge of Japanese, I hope to offer a mini-essay on the simple elegance of the Korean alphabet. Soon.
    I find it revealing (although perhaps because it seems so obvious, it’s also facile and misleading) to contrast the Byzantine complexities of written Japanese with the simplicity and directness of Korean, and muse on the corresponding characters of the peoples.
    More on this later.