Public Service Announcement

Though most people know of them already, I’m sure : like The Memory Hole, the deliberately unbloglike UnderReported is a good way to try and keep track of the sh-tstorm of lies and propaganda howling around our heads, as of course is the excellent and more weblogesque These sites invite you to draw your own conclusions, an invitation we too rarely receive these days.
Though undeniably entertaining, reading the ranting of bloggers is less rewarding, perhaps. Your mileage, as they say, may vary. Which is not to say that I’m going to stop ranting any time soon, but rather to note that you, dear reader, should most assuredly take it for what it is worth, which is bugger-all other than a bit of (hopefully) amusing wordplay.
It must be said, too, that there are times when one has to stand back and point, with some small measure of humility, at some of the diamond-bullet stuff bloggers are pulling out of their hats, ranty or otherwise, like this little juxtapotato from a certain maniacal South African down the block :

“These despicable acts were committed by killers whose only faith is hate and the United States will find the killers and they will learn the meaning of American justice. Anytime anybody attacks our homeland, or our fellow citizens, we will be on the hunt. We will bring them to justice. Just ask the Taliban.”
– George W. Bush, President of the United States, Indiana, May 13th, 2003
“We had a great day… We killed a lot of people.”
Sgt. Eric Schrumpf, Fifth Marine Regiment, March 29th, 2003


Last week every second thread at the ‘filter seemed to have at least one mention of Neal Pollack, and how he’s tastier than pre-sliced cheese and better looking than that guy on the infomercial, you know, the one with the hair, and may or may not be America’s Greatest Living Writer. Me, I had no idea who this guy was.
So using the all the tools at my command, at great personal risk and expense, and by the grace of GOD, I tracked down his own Personal Website.
And he’s a pretty funny f–ker, you know?

Stop The Madness, Darn It

Now I know the Patriot Act (quite possibly to be extended indefinitely, is the word on the streets) is Bad, and the Bend Over And Feel Our Power Act (also known as Patriot II – The Second Coming) is Worse, but this, friends and neighbours, this is Insupportable.

In Fairfax, VA to be precise. The police there have decided that getting drunk in a bar is an arrestable offense worth enforcing. You don’t have to be starting trouble, getting in a fight, or climbing behind a wheel — the simple act of drinking in a bar gives them enough probable cause to harass and subject you to tests. And if you actually have the gall to have more than a couple beers while in that bar, you’re going to jail and getting fixed up with a nice criminal record.

Courtesy of the excellent Modern Drunkard Magazine.

Lost is a new site written by expatriates of which I’ve been asked to be a part, and for which I look forward with great anticipation to writing faux-intolerant screeds about Korea (and other Lovely and Welcoming Exotic Locales).
Once I get this pickaxe out of my forehead, that is.
An interesting and diverse group of people there, nicely rounded out by the presence of some Miraculous Poultry, if I do say so myself…

Worth The Time

I’ve been casting my nets a little wider today, looking for some meaty and delicious commentary on The War on Terra Iraq Everyone, and found this weblog. Thought I’d share, as I’d never run across it before.
Well worth reading, whatever your take on the dark days in which we find ourselves.

Do This Now

Feeling a need to feel like a kid again, if only for a few minutes? Do this now!

Do the Celestial Crawl
On a cloudless warm night, walk around until you can put a nearby building or tree very close to a bright star in the eastern sky. Now lay on the ground and move yourself until the corner of the building or the top of the tree just BARELY covers that star. Wait a moment. The star will reappear. Wiggle along to cover up the star again. It reappears. Keep wiggling along. (Um… notice that the entire Earth is rotating beneath you?)
Yawn. (no, REALLY yawn), then immediately curl your tongue backwards and force it against the roof of your mouth. The saliva glands under your tongue will squirt like a squirtgun! You can only squirt once or twice before another yawn is required. Also works while eating (or sucking on hard candy.) Practice this in front of a mirror until you can slightly part your lips and silently hit a target with deadly accuracy. Hey! Is it raining in here?
Burst of flavor
While reading, eat something. Notice that the flavor vanishes as soon as you get involved with the story you’re reading? Now concentrate on your mouth, and the flavor explodes into reality. By concentrating on the text or on your mouth, you can make the flavor flash on and off. WEIRD!
Finger of PAIN
After getting out of the car, quickly touch one of your passengers. Snap! Why waste a good “zap” on the car door? (If you don’t enjoy sparks, then use the car keys to touch your passenger. The shock still occurs, but YOU won’t feel it!)
Visible Touch
Look to the left, close your eyes, then touch the rightmost edge of your right eyeball with a fingertip. (Push gently on your eyelid, don’t touch the eye itself!) Wiggle your finger up and down. See anything off to the left? That’s the “image” of your fingertip, but the retina of your eye is feeling it, not seeing it. Move your finger UP, and the black/silver splotch moves DOWN. Use two fingertips, and you see two splotches. This is the realm where touching meets seeing.
Restaurant Super-candle
…with a foot-high flame. While in a restaurant, tear off a bit of a napkin or other paper, and twiddle it into a little rod the thickness of a pencil lead. Dip both ends into the liquid candle wax so the whole thing is wetted, then wait for it to harden (or chill it in your drink.) Carefully jab this hard wax rod into the top of the candle so it becomes a second wick. Tilt the candle to expose this extra wick to flame. Now REPEAT THE PROCESS! Five wicks create a tall flame like a blow torch which makes a soft roaring noise.
Tube of Boob
Tune your TV to a blank station and adjust it for good “snow”. Stare into the snow. Imagine the number “3”, and it will appear as a 3-shaped flickering. But then it will start to slowly rotate. Mentally erase the 3, then imagine a horizontal line. It appears, but it won’t stay still, it wants to drift and rotate. Make it shrink and vanish. Keep staring, and soon the snow will smoothly ripple, as if you were looking through the distorting water of complicated waves in a swimming pool. Think of more stuff to create. Who says that watching TV for hours isn’t worthwhile?!

Joe Frank

I’d never heard of this guy before today, but trust me, [this is good].

“The world of Joe Frank is a wildly entertaining surrealistic universe…hilarious, unsettling, zany, powerful, moving and perhaps the most unique, inventive and effective use of radio since Orson Welles convinced much of America that there was a “War of the Worlds.”

[via Boing Boing]


This guy‘s on a trip around the planet, and his travel diaries (full of the tales like this latest of difficult defecations, hiking hardships, and all manner of mad and unpleasant things one puts oneself through on a daily basis when backpacking around the world) make me feel like hitting the road again.
Also : “lots of nice pictures too, including penis gourds and big stone penises at a fertility temple, the big jars of Laos, the big heads of Easter Island, dog eating and dried llama foetuses.”
Domesticity is wearisome, some days. Particularly on those days you find yourself bickering with your spouse about everything and nothing. Oh, to be sh-tting in a trench latrine with snowflakes swirling around your tender bits on the side of a mountain somewhere…


Hey, while I’m at it, Exploding Dog is really good and stuff, too. But you probably already knew that.
I could learn to like this linking without the commentary schtick… Emptybottle Lite! Now with even more sh-t that you don’t care about!