What is Fnord?

People (most of whom I dislike, on principle. No, really.) do tend to pooh-pooh Discordianism, and The Church of the Subgenius, and all that fincantabulous hooey. I say let ’em!
That reminds me of a song….

this is your life this is your life this is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time. you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. you are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. we are all a part of the same compost heap, we are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. you are not your bank account, you are not the clothes you wear. you are not the contents of your wallet. you are not your bowel cancer. you are not your grande latte. you are not the car you drive. you are not your f–king khakis. you have to give up, you have to give up. you have to realize that someday you will die, until you know that you are useless. I say let me never be complete. I say may I never be content. I say deliver me from swedish furniture! I say deliver me from clever art. I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth. I say you have to give up. I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.

Of course, I didn’t actually say any of that funky sh-t, Chuck Palahniuk did. Or rather, Brad Pitt did, which proves to me at least that he may be a Hollywood pretty boy, go-ash darn it, but he’s no dumm-eh!
That’s an entirely different set of flatware, Sherlock! What I originally mean to say before this all went sideways on me (how the hell did that happen?) was that memepool had a Hail Eris comma Subgenius slash Bob Dobbs post recently (†), and fnord is still amusing to me, even though I am not sixteen any longer (despite the undeniable fact that I’ve still got an unreasonably large number of zits and a tendency to shout things like “Rock and Roll!” in an embarrassingly Wayne’s World sort of way when I hear powerchords or cowbells).
You got a problem with that?

Buddy, can ya spare 500 Won?

willworkforfoodchicken.jpg
I realized this evening, for no readily apparent reason, that I was quite accustomed to being asked for money, with wildly varying degrees of aggression and/or supplication, anywhere from 3 to 10 times a day, on my short walk from our apartment in Surrey Hills to Town Hall House, the headquarters of OmniHyperGlobalMegaNet, when I lived in Sydney.
I have not once been approached here in Korea. Not once in 8 months.
Why do you reckon that is?

Magic. Painful magic, but magic.

When I got home from the university this afternoon, I could barely walk. The chronic pain that I’ve been experiencing in my feet (achilles tendonitis, for about 10 years, on and off, and I suspect a touch of arthritis, which runs in the family) flared up today, and I was hobbling, grimacing, cursing under my breath, and figuratively shaking a fist at the sky and hurling imprecations at any deity that might be looking at the moment.
I hadn’t been to the acupuncturist in about 5 days – my longest stretch in a month.
I just wanted to sit on the sofa and watch the National Geographic channel, but my ladylove cajoled me out the door, and off I staggered, my copy of the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes in hand.
It’s about two hours later now, and I feel so much better, it is astonishing. Night and day. I mean, it still hurts, but it’s gone from a 5-alarm fire to a hibachi. Night and freaking day.
This sh-t really works.

Hi ho!

Hi ho! If you can watch all of these without clutching your skull and bellowing like a confused waterbuffalo, you’re a better man/woman/other than I. Go ahead, give it a try, I double-dog dare ya! [evil laugh]
Wintertime Hi Ho!
Food poisoning Hi Ho!
Forest fun Hi Ho !
Too inexplicable to summarize Hi Ho jolly fun!
Hi Ho meets Jaws!
Hi Ho romance!
Hi Ho fishing misadventures!
Hi Ho saves the princess!
It’s a Hi Ho Christmas!
[Japanese ad wackiness via Tom Tomorrow (who rocks) and the ‘pile (which also rocks, in a different, yet equally righteous way (uhh..dude))]

Sargasso Seas?

This is tacking much closer into the Sargasso Seas of blogly circle-jerking (from which few emerge!) than I usually like to venture, but : Tom Matrullo deftly and pyrotechnically weaves my post about an oceanic metaphor for the web, which was mostly just a late evening braindump while drinking beer, into a tapestry much deeper and more vital than I could have anticipated. My thanks to him, and to Jeneane and Jonathon also, for taking my thoughts a little further, and helping me better understand this crap that seems to emerge sometimes, unbidden, when I put hands to keyboard.

I'm a little surprised

I’m a little surprised that few seem to be interested in kicking Dvorak’s ass about his latest swipe at blogdom, or even paying much attention, really. I wonder if that’s a) because we secretly agree or b) because no one much gives a damn anymore about his odd anti-blog hobbyhorse.
I suspect the answer is b).
People have decided not to feed the troll.
I did find this amusing, though :

“Show that you’re an independent free spirit by adding a lot of profanity to your text. “

f–kin’ a, Johnny-boy! You got my number.

Coffee? Tea? Deconstruction? comments.

Reuters : Garbage trucks

Reuters :

Garbage trucks in the south Taiwan city of Tainan will soon broadcast English lessons from loudspeakers to educate citizens as they haul away the rubbish.
“Even grandmothers and grandfathers will be able to speak the most basic conversational English after listening for a few dozen times,” the United Daily News newspaper quoted Tainan mayor Hsu Tain-tsair as saying.

If only they’d start something like this here. Not only would it make my job easier, but all the piles of refuse on the street would become a wistful memory. Of course first they’d actually have to buy some garbage trucks….

…They hung a sign up

…They hung a sign up in out town
“if you live it up, you won’t
live it down”
So, she left Monte Rio, son
Just like a bullet leaves a gun
With charcoal eyes and Monroe hips
She went and took that California trip
Well, the moon was gold, her
Hair like wind
She said don’t look back just
Come on Jim
Oh you got to
Hold on, Hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, I’m standing right here
You gotta hold on

– Hold On – Tom Waits

The instant-referrer gadget

The instant-referrer gadget down there on the right (no, further down, oh, oh, yeah…there!) has just shown me that scant minutes ago, someone reached here with Googlage : how+the+f–k+does+aluminum+sulfate+get+produced?. This is a thing of beauty to me.
Welcome, my chymical friend. Have a beer. Put your feet up. f–k Aluminum Sulfate, let me whisper to you tales of booze and madness. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll make you forget those covalent bonds, I’ll sing you the siren song that will lure you into a rich and deeply imperfect world of words and bad photoshops, I will sing the body eclectic…

Worst Job In Korea

This guy has got to have one of the worst jobs in Korea, I thought to myself.
I woke up this morning full of the vigour and optimism of youth. Happens to me once in a while, unexpectedly. The light of morning seems energizing, rather than withering. I look forward to the day ahead, and the morning cup is a sacrament rather than just a stimulant.
This was the mood in which I left the house. Even the chronic pain in my achilles tendons was barely noticeable, thanks perhaps to my recent acupuncture treatments. I was downright jaunty, and those who know me know that ‘jaunty’ isn’t an adjective that often pops up in descriptions of me. Although the sun was filtering through brownish clouds of toxic haze, there was at least some sun, and it was already fairly high in the sky, and warming me pleasantly on my way to the subway station. Zip-a-dee doo-dah, motherf–ker.
The usual reeking pile of garbage in front of the next apartment building — whose parking lot I normally cut through as a minor shortcut — did little to diminish my jaunty outlook. There was a slight breeze, and I neatly managed to avoid the worst of the stink. I accidentally stepped in a little of it, but it wasn’t terribly viscous, and didn’t adhere to my shoe.
Naturally, the dawn chorus was in full throat, the old sniff-backhaul-and-hork orchestra all around me, tuning up for another day of mucous mining. This annoyed me mildly, as it always does, but I skipped lightly through the multitudes of already-deposited oysters, treating it as a game. Although the scent of the flowering trees that had somehow struggled up through the broken pavement every few blocks was masked by the cloud of diesel fumes from the buses and dump trucks, the colour and shape of them was undeniably appealing.
Outside the station, I was nearly run down by a utility vehicle. It was being driven by a fellow who had perhaps overindulged in the soju last night, judging by the rosiness of his cheeks and eyes as he swivelled to stare at me, bug-eyed and expressionless. I forgave him, as I too have survived many a hangover, even if I may not often have operated motor vehicles under their influence, or nearly run down briefcase-toting professors in the street as a result. My mood was still quite bouyant at this point, inexplicably, perhaps.
As I sat on one of the broken plastic benches on the train platform, trying in vain to see the nearest mountain through the photochemical haze, an old man in coveralls shuffled up, and began pulling the refuse from the garbage can beside me. I actually was quite pleased about this, as more often than not, the very few garbage cans one actually sees for public use are overflowing, and with the warm weather approaching, this means more Stench Zones to avoid on the urban hazard course. Then, with a shudder, I remembered that one of the primary uses for those garbage cans was as throat-oyster receptacles for the smallish percentage of men in my neighbourhood who have apparently been well-brought up, and rather than deposit their little glistening bundles of goo on the train platform, instead wander over and let them dangle and drop into the cans. There are no bags in these cans. This guy’s job was to bend over, reach in, and pull out the slime-coated trash within.
Poor bastard.
The air went out of my balloon. And it wasn’t even 8:00 am yet.

Comments? (old offsite) comments.